Findings & Sources

Communication

Roughly 68% of divorces are due to communication problems, according to a study done by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). [1]
Almost 70% of conflicts that married couples have are not solvable. However, the key to overcoming these conflicts is how you during them, according to research by the Gottman Institute. [2]
Just a couple minutes of focused communication between you and your partner is better than a week of unfocused time together. [3]
78% of our conversations are focused about ourselves and our views, not our partners, according to a study by Dunbar, Marriott and others. [4]
Healthy and successful relationships are based on good communication. [5]

[1] American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. (2013). Survey of matrimonial lawyers on causes of divorce in the United States.

[2] The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Managing vs. resolving conflict in relationships. Retrieved April 19, 2026, from https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships/

[3] Peter McFadden, “3 Daily Rituals that Stop Spouses from Taking Each other for Granted,” The Gottman Institute, accessed 2/17/25, https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-daily-rituals-that-stop-spouses-from-taking-each-other-for-granted/

[4] Dunbar, R. I. M., Marriott, A., & Duncan, N. D. C. (1997). Human conversational behavior. Human Nature, 8(3), 231–246. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02912493;

Deb Knobelman, “Research Confirms that No One Is Really Thinking About You,” Medium.com, accessed 3/10/25, https://medium.com/the-ascent/research-confirms-that-no-one-is-really-thinking-about-you-f6e7b09c458

[5] Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships (pp. 367–389). Chichester, UK: Wiley.

Listening

About 90% of our communication is nonverbal according to Albert Mehrabian, a doctor and professor of body language. [1]
On average people recall about 25-50% of what they hear. [2]

96% of people believe they are good listeners according to a survey by Accenture, although trained communicators only retain about 50% of what people say. [3]

Less than 2% of the world population has received training on effective listening according to an article in the Harvard Business Review. [4]

People are distracted 75% of the time when listening, according to Phillip Hunsaker and Tony Alessandra’s book The New Art of Managing People. [5]

Positive and responsive listening benefits marital satisfaction. [6]

Emotionally positive and responsive listening is one of the keys to successful conflict resolution. [7]

[1] Mehrabian, A., & Ferris, S. R. (1967). Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 31(3), 248–252. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0024532

[2] Nichols, R. G., & Stevens, L. A. (1957). Are you listening? New York, NY: McGraw-Hill

[3] Clay Drinko, “We’re Worse at Listening than we Realize”, Pyschologytoday.com, accessed 3/10/25, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/play-your-way-sane/202108/were-worse-at-listening-than-we-realize#:~:text=In%20one%20survey%2C%2096%20percent,long%2Dterm%20memory%2C%20people. ;

Accenture. (2015). The human paradox: From customer centric to human centric.

[4] Tijis Besieux, “A Simple Way to Boost Your Listening Skills”, Harvard Business Review, Accessed 3/10/25, https://hbr.org/2023/01/a-simple-way-to-boost-your-listening-skills ;

Jack Zenger, & Joseph Folkman. (2016). What great listeners actually do. Harvard Business Review.

[5] Phillip L Hunsaker and Tony Alessandra, The New Art of Managing People, Free Press, 2008

[6] Walker, S. A., Pinkus, R. T., Olderbak, S., & MacCann, C. (2024). People with higher relationship satisfaction use more humor, valuing, and receptive listening to regulate their partners’ emotions. Current Psychology, 43, 2348–2356. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-023-04432-4

[7] Pasupathi, M., Carstensen, L. L., Levenson, R. W., & Gottman, J. M. (1999). Responsive listening in long-married couples: A psycholinguistic perspective. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 23(2), 173–193.

Communication

Roughly 68% of divorces are due to communication problems, according to a study done by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). [1]

Almost 70% of conflicts that married couples have are not solvable. However, the key to overcoming these conflicts is how you during them, according to research by the Gottman Institute. [2]

Just a couple minutes of focused communication between you and your partner is better than a week of unfocused time together. [3]

78% of our conversations are focused about ourselves and our views, not our partners, according to a study by Dunbar, Marriott and others. [4]

Healthy and successful relationships are based on good communication. [5]

[1] American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. (2013). Survey of matrimonial lawyers on causes of divorce in the United States.

[2] The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Managing vs. resolving conflict in relationships. Retrieved April 19, 2026, from https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships/

[3] Peter McFadden, “3 Daily Rituals that Stop Spouses from Taking Each other for Granted,” The Gottman Institute, accessed 2/17/25, https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-daily-rituals-that-stop-spouses-from-taking-each-other-for-granted/

[4] Dunbar, R. I. M., Marriott, A., & Duncan, N. D. C. (1997). Human conversational behavior. Human Nature, 8(3), 231–246. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02912493;

Deb Knobelman, “Research Confirms that No One Is Really Thinking About You,” Medium.com, accessed 3/10/25, https://medium.com/the-ascent/research-confirms-that-no-one-is-really-thinking-about-you-f6e7b09c458

[5] Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships (pp. 367–389). Chichester, UK: Wiley.

Listening

About 90% of our communication is nonverbal according to Albert Mehrabian, a doctor and professor of body language. [1]

On average people recall about 25-50% of what they hear. [2]

96% of people believe they are good listeners according to a survey by Accenture, although trained communicators only retain about 50% of what people say. [3]

Less than 2% of the world population has received training on effective listening according to an article in the Harvard Business Review. [4]

People are distracted 75% of the time when listening, according to Phillip Hunsaker and Tony Alessandra’s book The New Art of Managing People. [5]

Positive and responsive listening benefits marital satisfaction. [6]

Emotionally positive and responsive listening is one of the keys to successful conflict resolution. [7]

[1] Mehrabian, A., & Ferris, S. R. (1967). Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 31(3), 248–252. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0024532

[2] Nichols, R. G., & Stevens, L. A. (1957). Are you listening? New York, NY: McGraw-Hill

[3] Clay Drinko, “We’re Worse at Listening than we Realize”, Pyschologytoday.com, accessed 3/10/25, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/play-your-way-sane/202108/were-worse-at-listening-than-we-realize#:~:text=In%20one%20survey%2C%2096%20percent,long%2Dterm%20memory%2C%20people. ;

Accenture. (2015). The human paradox: From customer centric to human centric.

[4] Tijis Besieux, “A Simple Way to Boost Your Listening Skills”, Harvard Business Review, Accessed 3/10/25, https://hbr.org/2023/01/a-simple-way-to-boost-your-listening-skills ;

Jack Zenger, & Joseph Folkman. (2016). What great listeners actually do. Harvard Business Review.

[5] Phillip L Hunsaker and Tony Alessandra, The New Art of Managing People, Free Press, 2008

[6] Walker, S. A., Pinkus, R. T., Olderbak, S., & MacCann, C. (2024). People with higher relationship satisfaction use more humor, valuing, and receptive listening to regulate their partners’ emotions. Current Psychology, 43, 2348–2356. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-023-04432-4

[7] Pasupathi, M., Carstensen, L. L., Levenson, R. W., & Gottman, J. M. (1999). Responsive listening in long-married couples: A psycholinguistic perspective. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 23(2), 173–193.

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