Findings & Sources
Communication
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Roughly 68% of divorces are due to communication problems, according to a study done by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). [1]
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Almost 70% of conflicts that married couples have are not solvable. However, the key to overcoming these conflicts is how you during them, according to research by the Gottman Institute. [2]
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Just a couple minutes of focused communication between you and your partner is better than a week of unfocused time together according to the Gottman Institute [3]
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78% of our conversations are focused about ourselves and our views, not our partners, according to a study by Dunbar, Marriott and others. [4]
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Healthy and successful relationships are based on good communication. [5]
Listening
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About 90% of our communication is nonverbal according to Albert Mehrabian, a doctor and professor of body language. [6]
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On average people recall about 25-50% of what they hear. [7]
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96% of people believe they are good listeners according to a survey by Accenture, although trained communicators only retain about 50% of what people say. [8]
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Less than 2% of the world population has received training on effective listening according to an article in the Harvard Business Review. [9]
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People are distracted 75% of the time when listening, according to Phillip Hunsaker and Tony Alessandra’s book The New Art of Managing People. [10]
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Positive and responsive listening benefits marital satisfaction. [11]
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Emotionally positive and responsive listening is one of the keys to successful conflict resolution. [12]
Complaining / Nagging
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On average people complain 15 to 30 times a day. [13]
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Multiple Stanford University studies found that complaining has negative health consequences. [14]
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It shrinks parts of your brain used for problem solving
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it releases cortisol which is a stress hormone that can raise your blood pressure and blood sugar
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And it can lead to diabetes and even heart disease
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According to a survey by YourTango.com, more than half of relationships list nagging as a marriage problem. 60% of male respondents and 44% of women respondents said it also led to less satisfying sex. [15]
Arguing / Fighting
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According to a survey done be Esure, couples argue 2,455 time a year which is about 7 times a day. [16]
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According to psychologists, two significant fights per week can be seen as a red flag of fighting too much. This much fighting can have negative effects on your nervous system. [17]
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30% of couples argue once a week, 28% a couple times a month, 32% a couple times a year. And 3% said they never argue. This is according to A YouGov survey done in 2022. [18]
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You are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship if you argue effectively, compared to just sweeping difficult issues under the rug. This is according to a study from the Journal Family Process. [19]
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Though anger from an argument with your spouse might cause discomfort, it also incites honest conversations that can help the relationship in the long run. This is according to a paper by the Society for Personality. [20]
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According to John Gottman, a pioneer of marital research, 69% of marital disagreements can go unresolved. The other 31% need to be addressed, proving that happy married couples know what to fight about. [21]
Boredom
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Feeling bored is common in life. In fact 60% of adults feel bored at least once a week. [22]
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The honeymoon phase of a marriage, only really lasts from a couple weeks to a couple years. [23]
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The best ratio of time spent together with your partner in marriage is 70% together and 30% apart, according to relationship experts. [24]
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Marriage has many benefits people don’t really thing about. Married couples on average live longer, are less sick, have a lower chance of becoming depressed, have a happier sex life, a better sense of security and support system. They also have a better financial situation, and overall better mental health and a happier life. [25]
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Over time, marriage can make men less extroverted and women more closed off, according to a study done by the University of Georgia. [26]
Lack of Sex
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Around 57% of people are happy with their sex lives According to a study done by Durex. [27]
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A low sex drive is common and can happen to anyone. It affects up to 20% of men, and an even higher percentage of women. During your lifetime, it’s also common to have a drop in your sex drive more than once, according to the Cleveland Clinic. [28]
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According to a study, having sex once a week can bring the same amount of happiness as earning an extra $50,000 in annual income. [29]
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The less time you spend with your partner, the less sex you have, according to a study in the journal of Sex Research. [30]
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People have a greater sense of well-being from having sex at least once a week, according to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science. [31]
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According to a General Social Survey, here are the average times married couples are having sex: [32]
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10% did not have sex in the last year
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7% had sex once or twice in the last year
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17% had sex once a month
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19% had sex two or three times a month
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25% had sex once a week
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16% had sex two or three times a week
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5% had sex four or more times a week
Relationship is all about the kids
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67% of couples have a decrease in marital satisfaction after having kids. [33]
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Another study done by the University of Denver and Texas A&M found that 90% of married couples see their happiness drop after the first year of having a child. [34
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However children can also bring out the best in us. Watching them grow up is beautiful and amazing. And you also get the benefit of seeing the world again from their eyes. Parenthood also deepens joy and can build social relationships with friends and family. [35]
Lack of Appreciation
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44% or women are not emotionally satisfied because of a lack of appreciation and communication according to researcher M. Gary Neuman. [36]
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Lack of appreciation is typically listed as a primary cause of divorce. [37]
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As humans we tend to overestimate what we do and underestimate what others do. [38]
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Studies show that as our marriage progresses over time, we have a reduced response to our partners contributions. This is what’s called “habituation”. [39]
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The higher number of expressions of gratitude in a marriage, closely relates to having a better marriage, according to a study done by the University of Georgia. [40]
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Acknowledgement and appreciation in a marriage act as a cushion or protector for your marriage when you go through fights and conflicts according to University of Illinois researcher Allen Barton. [41]
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Feeling appreciated and also expressing appreciation are associated with greater happiness, happier relationships and better health according to Harvard Medical School research. [42]
Spending Money / Financial Stress
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Money is the one thing people stress about the most according to a survey done by the American Psychological Association. [43]
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73% of couples living together say that financial decisions are a source of stress in their relationship. This is according to a survey by the Harris Poll for the American Institute of CPA’s. [44]
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A third of Americans are uncomfortable talking about finances in their relationship according to a survey by Talker Research for Wise. [45]
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Money is one of the biggest issues married couples argue about the most, and it is often listed as a reason for divorce. [46]
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Nearly 86% of couples married 5 years or less started out in debt according to a 2017 study by Ramsey Solutions. Also the higher the debt, the more couples argue about money. [47]
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The same Ramsey Solutions study showed that 94% of people who say they are in a great marriage talk about their money dreams and 87% set long term financial goals together.
Jealousy / Lack of Trust
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Jealousy is common with 79% of men and 66% of women characterizing themselves as being jealous according to a study by Psychiatry and Clinical Psychopharmacology [48]
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23% of married adults who’s partner uses social media have admitted feeling jealous or unsure about their relationship because of their partners actions online. This is according to a survey by the Pew Research Center. [49]
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Nearly everyone, men and women, have experienced at least one episode of intense jealousy, and 31% of people say their jealousy has been difficult to control according to research done by Dr. David Buss. [50]
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People who spend more time on social media are more likely to feel jealous of their partner according to a research paper by telematics and informatics. [51]
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Women tend to be more jealous than men. 44% of wives admitted that trust issues effect their marriage and 77% do not like their husband having a close female friend. Also 53% of wives check their husbands’ phone, this is all according to a survey done by Woman's Day and AOL Living. [52]
Infidelity / Suspected Cheating
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Studies show 70% of people engage in some form of infidelity (married and unmarried) at some part of their lives. [53]
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About 20% of marriages experience infidelity with roughly 26% of men cheating and 19% of women cheating according to studies done by Kassia Wosick a researcher for New Mexico State University. [54]
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Of the spouses that cheat, only 52% admit to their partner that they cheated, according to Health Testing Centres. [55]
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About 20-40% of marriages ended in divorce due to infidelity according to the American Psychological Association. [56]
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60-75% of marriages stay together after experiencing infidelity according divorce magazine. [57]
Parenting Differences
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43% of parents say they raise their children the way they were raised, while 44% say they wish to raise them differently from their parents according to the Pew Research Center. [58]
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45% of parents think they are too overprotective while 20% say they give too much freedom to their children according to the Pew Research Center. [59]
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75% of Americans claim the authoritative style of parenting is somewhat or very effective according to a survey done by YouGov. [60]
Housework
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Having a husband creates 7 more hours of housework a week or women According to a University of Michigan study. [61]
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From year 1960 to year 2000, men’s housework work nearly doubled during that timeframe according to research by Suzanne Bianchi , Melissa Milkie , Liana Sayer & John Robinson. [62]
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The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics released the following American Time Use Survey Summary for year 2023. The data concluded the following: [63]
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When looking at an average day regarding doing household activities which includes housework, cooking, lawn care, and household management, 86% of women spent time doing these tasks compared to 71% of men.
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On these same days, women spent 2.7 hours doing household activities while men did 2.1 hours.
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When it came to housework during these days which includes activities like cleaning and laundry, 48% of women did these tasks compared to 22% of men.
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In industrialized nations, women typically spend 30 hours a week on housework and men 20 hours a week. [64]
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Couples who share chores are happier than couples that do not share chores according to research by the Council on Contemporary Families. [65]
Not spending enough time with OR knowing anything about the kids
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One of the biggest worries of Parents is if they spend enough time with their children. [66]
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On average fathers spend about 7.2 hours a week with their children, while mothers spend about 13.7 hours a week with them. This is according to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. [67]
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Studies show that children who spend more quality time with their family are less likely to engage in delinquent behaviors, do drugs and do bad at school. [68]
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Six hours a week of family time had positive effects on teenagers according to a study done by researchers from the University of Toronto and Bowling Green State University. [69]
Not giving his time / Selfishness with their time
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Couples on average spend about 2.5 hours a day together broken down as 50 minutes watching TV, 30 min eating and 24 minutes doing housework according to the Office of National Statistics. [70]
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Women care more about spending quality time together than men according to a Brigham Young University and Colorado State University study. [71]
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The less time you spend together with your partner, the less sex you have. This is according to a study by the US National Survey of Families and Households. [72]
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Many experts recommend couples spend 70% of time together and 30% apart. [73]
Drinking too much / Drugs
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10% of Americans 12 and older had an alcohol use disorder this past year according to the 2023 United States National Survey on Drug Use and Health. [74]
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17% of Americans 12 or older battled a substance abuse disorder this past year according to the 2023 United States National Survey on Drug Use and Health. [75]
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Alcohol abuse and drug use can lead to serious health problems and family issues. [76]
Lack of Emotional support
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Only 52% of Americans feel that they have the emotional and social support that they need According to the National Center for Health Statistics. [77]
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A lack of emotional support can lead to physical and mental health issues including stress, anxiety and depression. [78]
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Men typically value emotional support less than women, and are less comfortable talking about their needs. [79]
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Couples who regularly support their spouses’ requests for emotional connection, have marriages that blossom and succeed, vs those that divorce. This is according to a 2004 study by John Gottman. [80]
Weight and Eating Habits
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42% of Americans have obesity according to the CDC. [81]
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On average couples gain 17 pounds in the first year being in a relationship, and and average of 36 pounds over time according to a study done by OnePoll for Jenny Craig. [82]
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61% of women tell their husbands they should eat healthier and 43% of men tell their wives the same according to a survey by Treadmill Reviews. [83]
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Partners who ate the same are 79% likely to be sexually satisfied and 90% to be satisfied with their relationship according to a survey by Treadmill Reviews.
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You are more likely to make a healthier life change if your partner does too, according to a study by Sarah E Jackson, Andrew Steptoe and Jane Wardle. [84]
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68% of people say that their romantic partner negatively effects their eating habits according to a study done by OnePoll. [85]
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71% of people in relationships make unhealthy diet choices behind their partners back, 70% lie about their habits and 55% hide food behind their partners back according to a study done by OnePoll for Sabra. [86]
Not doing anything right
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Nearly half of all people in the United States will experience psychological aggression from an intimate partner within their lifetime according to the CDC. [87]
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95% of people who call the National Domestic Violence Hotline stated they were experiencing emotional abuse. [88]
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No one in this world is perfect. Everyone has weaknesses and flaws which they can improve. [89]
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Perfectionism can be detrimental to mental health, and lead to anxiety and depression. [90]
Emotional abuse
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Almost everyone is susceptible to being a victim of emotional abuse or being in an emotional abusive relationship. [91]
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The impact that emotional abuse has on you, can be just as detrimental as the impact of being physically abused. This is according to a study by Günnur Karakurt, Ph.D and Kristin E. Silver, B. A. [92]
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Almost half of all people in the United States will experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner during their lifetime according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. [93]
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Emotional abuse can be a pre-cursor to physical abuse. [94]
Physical abuse
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25% of women, and 14% of men will experience physical violence from their intimate partner sometime during their life according to the CDC. [95]
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54% of women and 31% of men will experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime according to the CDC. [96]
Feeling trapped
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According to a study done by family law specialists Slater and Gordon. [97]
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20% of married people in the US feel trapped. 15% wished they had married someone else. 10% feel they are in a loveless marriage.
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60% of married people felt that their marriage didn’t turn out as they had expected it to.
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65% of married people felt that they married the right person.
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When people were asked to rate their marriage out of 100, the average score was 71%
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25% of married people felt they needed to stay married for the sake of the children.
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Unhappy married people, who got divorced, were not happier than those unhappy married people who stayed together. This is according to research done by Linda J. Waite of the University of Chicago. [98]
Trying to Change me / Bad Habits
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Both spouses’ personalities change over time and they become less agreeable, and less patient with each other according to a study by researchers from the University of Georgia. One reason could be that after the honeymoon phase, old habits of people start to come back. [99]
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Almost 70% of conflicts that married couples have are not solvable. However, the key to overcoming these conflicts is how you communicate together, this is according to research by John Gottman. [100]
Boundaries
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57% of people believe that it is important to set personal boundaries in a romantic relationship according to a survey done by YouGov. [101]
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The same survey showed that 80% of people believe you can tell your partner you need personal space, 70% think you should be able to tell your partner you wish to hang out with friends or family alone, and 63% said you should be able to tell your partner you wish to remain private on social media. [102]
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Additionally, that survey showed that 70% of people believe it is unacceptable to tell who their partner can spend time with, 64% said its unacceptable to tell your partner what they can post about themselves on social media. [103]
Video Games
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61% of the US population plays video games at a minimum of one hour a week according to the entertainment software association. [104]
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More adults play video games than kids. [105]
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The average video game player age is 36 years old. [106]
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53% of gamers are men with 46% being women. [107]
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Men’s pleasure centers in the brain are more activated than women’s while playing video games according to a study by the Stanford University School of Medicine. [108]
Snoring
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45% of adults occasionally snore while 25% snore on a regular basis. [109]
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Men are more prone to snoring and sleep apnea because they have larger necks and larger airways. [110]
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40% of men snore while only 24% of women snore. [111]
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Snoring gets worse for people as they get older because our tongues and throats start to relax which blocks our airways. [112]
Sleep divorce
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38% of Americans are morning people while 48% are night people according to research by Civic Science. [113]
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29% of couples practice sleep divorce or sleep separately according to a survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. [114]
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32% of women wake up feeling tired compared to 21% of men according to a survey by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. [115]
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Sharing a bed with a spouse is associated with better and longer REM sleep according to a study done be Henning Johannes Drews published in Front Psychiatry. [116]
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53% of people who started a sleep divorce say it has helped their sleep quality according to a survey by the Sleep Foundation. [117]
Mood Swings
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A study by the University of Michigan did not show any clear difference between emotional highs and lows between men and women. [118]
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10% of US adults had a mood disorder in the past year according to The National Comorbidity Survey. [119]
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21% of US adults have a mood disorder at some time in their lives according to The National Comorbidity Survey. [120]
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Mood swings are a regular part of everyone’s lives, but when mood swings become frequent, more intense, affect relationships or work, that could be a sign of an underlying issue and you should speak with a doctor. [121]
Couples Counseling – How to tell your partner
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99% of people thought couples counseling had a positive impact on their relationship according to a survey done by Verywell mind. [122]
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75% of partners typically both agree to go to couples counseling. [123]
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On average couples counseling has about a 70% success rate. [124]
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About 90% of couples counseling participants saw an improvement in their emotional health. [125]
Work coming first
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27-30% of the population are considered workaholics according to Clockify. [126
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48% of working Americans consider themselves as Workaholics according to a survey by OnePoll on behalf of the Vision Council. [127]
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28% of these workaholics said they need to work out of financial necessity according to the same survey. [128]
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58% of American workers said they need to check their emails in bed after waking up according to the same survey. [129]
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94% of professional service workers said they put in 50+ hours of work each week according to a Harvard Business School survey. [130]
Lack of Family Support
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43% percent of people cited a lack of family support for the cause of their divorce according to a survey done by Forbes Advisor. [131]
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People who experienced emotional neglect from their parents growing up, are more likely to have an emotionally detached relationship with their parents according to a study by Alessandro Musetti, Valentina Grazia, Tommaso Manari Grazia Terrone and Pail Corsano. [132]
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Having more social support, personal trusting relationships with people and less isolation will help you love longer and have a healthier life. [133]
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Having friends and people you can trust and lean on can make you less depressed and more satisfied with your life according to a study by Karmel Choi published in the American Journal of Psychiatry. [134]
Too Much Time on Social Media
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In 2016 US Adults spent an average of almost 11 hours a day in front of a screen including being on computers, phones and watching TV. That number increased to 12 hours in 2020 according to The Neilson Total Audience Report. [135]
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85% of Americans admit to going online every day, with 31% saying their online almost constantly according to the Pew Research Center. [136]
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People who spend more time on social media are more likely to feel jealous of their partner according to a research paper by telematics and informatics. [137]
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Social media can increase feelings of depression in our lives according to a survey by Ory Perlis, Jon Green and Mathew Simonson posted on the Jama Network [138]
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People who visit social media sites 58 times per week, are 3 times more likely to feel depressed and isolated vs people who only visited social media sites 9 times per week according to a study by California State University. [139]
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The following chart shows the average time people stay on social media at one time according to SOAX. [140]
|
|
2 minutes 44 seconds |
TikTok |
5 minutes 56 seconds |
|
|
3 minutes 42 seconds |
X (Twitter) |
2 minutes 11 seconds |
YouTube |
7 minutes 25 seconds |
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On average, people aged 16-64 spend 2 hours and 23 minutes a day on social media networks and messaging according to research by globalwebindex. [141]
References Citations